Mysterious Ambassador

 I leave the country for one week, and what happens only Malta decide to nominate noted patron of the arts Peter Andre as Cultural Ambassador to Valletta.    On his trip to the island he also scooped the title of 'Best International Artist' - a long overdue reward for his seminal mid-nineties work 'Mysterious Girl' (sample lyric: 'Body weh you have a make de man dem a bawl'*).

Mr Andre will no doubt be justifiably proud of his new role, from the nation that not too long ago gave it's Sports Personality of the Year award to a table football player.  "I was so chuffed about that", he gushed upon hearing of the unexpected honour.  And so should be the citizens of the historic capital of Valletta, who will surely reap the benefits for years to come.



Having gained a certain amount of international exposure with this surprising development, I believe that Malta should strike while the iron is hot and follow up with some similar announcements.  Might I be so bold as to suggest Korean rapper Psy as Honorary Dean of Studies at the University of Malta?  And as former nineties boy-band member Brian Harvey has done little of note recently since running himself over with his own car, a promotion to President of Malta Transport seems an obvious move.  Meanwhile I am led to believe that Rick Astley is hastily rearranging his schedule for early next year so as to be able to collect his 'Best International Artist' prize at the 2014 Malta Music Awards extravaganza.





*Note:  for those readers viewing a translated version of this article and wondering why these lyrics make absolutely no sense whatsoever - don't worry about it.