Saturday (Aug 2): A 400-year-old statue of St Ursula has been returned to Gozo from Malta, after getting a bit of a face-lift. I am sure she's glad to be back.
Sunday: Maltese 'dental leaders' (an expression I have never heard before) have come out to diss the children of Malta. 'Children's teeth are terrible' they say, due to all the sugary stuff they consume all the time. So probably a good place to be a dentist then: Quit your complaining, Dentists.
Monday: The government hasn't forgotten to clean all that seaweed off the beach in Mgiebah Bay, honestly! It's just tricky to get down there, traffic's a nightmare this time of year.
Tuesday: Police seized 240 protected birds from somebody's house. I presume they were alerted to this by sleep-deprived neighbours.
Wednesday: A Maltese man was charged with keeping an Indonesian lady in conditions close to slavery: paying her only €6 for a year's work. Hearing about something likes this makes you hanker after Old Testament style punishment.
Thursday: The Employer's Association is not happy about having to pay for staff taking 'self-inflicted' sick days due to drunkenness or lying on the beach for too long. Expect national productivity to increase by 150% if this comes into force.
Friday: Another famous face from Hollywood will arrive on Maltese shores, as Joseph Fiennes will be hanging around for a couple of months to film an historical thriller set in Roman times.
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